29 March 2010

It's in God's hands now

This is not how I intended to write this. When it all happened, I was nervous, terrified actually. Everything is moving much much faster than I expected. I never expected to hear the line "because of your score, you can pretty much choose when you want to leave." My initial thought was, "As long as possible." But, I realize I must face this. Not that anyone is forcing me. I can still back out. But, there is that feeling, that I-need-to-do-this-for-myself feeling. And I know, I must go and I must face this.

A few things have happened. I'm using God's strength to push myself through this. Its as if... as if He is telling me that it will all be okay. It started Sunday. At church they were talking about when you do things, if you do them through God, you won't have fears (and I keep telling that story a little wrong, but you get what I mean). And there was a little comfort there, but I still was nervous.

And then there is the bond between my friends. And a Bible verse left on my facebook: Ecclesiastes 4:12 - Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. And I realize that the friendships that are true will make it through those 9 weeks. And continue on through A-school. And further through any enlistment and deployment and whatever hits us. And those that don't, well they weren't worth it. 

And then there was a conversation I had at work today. And Isaiah 41:10- So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. And then, there was comfort. No matter what stupid little fears I have. My personal hygiene (some of y'all know what I'm talking about that I was stressing) or my running shoes, or whatever fear I will have tomorrow. All of those, God will handle them. I'm sure I'll be nervous, and I will fret the little things. But, God will handle it all. And for now, I will live through that. And I will (at least try) to live through Him.

So here's the update. I know many of you have been waiting for it. But, I think God wanted me to calm down a little bit before I wrote it lol. I was way to paranoid before now. And now I am at peace. 

I go next week, April 8, down to MEPS. I will get my physical, choose jobs and DEP in. It all sounds so technical. But, as the recruiter put it, I will join the Navy next week. And it was said "because of your score you can pretty much choose when you want to go." I have my heart set on May. Which is probably not a good idea, because I know the military screws people around. But, I feel like May is perfect. Gives me time to process it all. But, at least I won't be sitting on it for like a year. I do NOT need that. I wanna go and be done with it and start my new life.

I'm ready for a new life...


  1. I won't lie, I got a little teary-eyed when I read this but you deserve this for yourself. And we're going to give you one kick-ass going away party.

  2. That was so perfectly said...Good luck!