It seems like it is harder and harder to get people to take me seriously. I have no idea why that is? Do people see me as someone who isn't serious? Smart? What is it? It seems like more and more often I'll say things and it's not even just disputed- it's flat out ignored. And then, maybe 30 seconds later, someone else says that exact same thing. Did you not hear me? I feel like I am screaming into an empty canyon sometimes- or screaming into a brick wall. Like, c'mon!
The other thing is like I'll tell someone that I can't simply stay home all summer. I just can't. And instead of people being helpful, I'll get "me too" or "uh huh." Okay, soooooo you're ignoring me? I just don't get it.
I'm back in that place of feeling totally alone. I never meant for things to go this way. I really didn't. I don't think I'm a bad person, I just can't explain what happened.
It drives me absolutely nuts when people point out my past. As if I didn't already know what happened there... I never once saw my life at this point, so do you think I'm happy with how it turned out? This trip to Texas has actually made things worse. 1. I've HAD IT with people pointing my errors in life out to me. I FUCKING GET IT!!! I don't need you constantly bashing me for what I've done, because I can GUARANTEE that if you know enough about me to bash me on my mistakes, I know enough about you to bash your mistakes you. You ain't perfect either. 2. It has made me realize that, while I'm happy with what I'm doing with my life currently, I'm not satisfied with how things have turned out- and that kills me. It absolutely kills me.
I guess I just have a lot to think about. I need to pull myself out of this again.