28 October 2010

Advice for Women

I know sometimes people don't agree with what I say. It comes with the territory. I'm okay with that. But, something I have learned that I want women to know. This road hasn't been an easy one. Its been long. Sometimes I felt like I was walking barefoot. Most of the time I feel like I am walking alone. Its been hot some days and rainy other days. It's been a long walk and some days, it seems like there will never be an end.

I've learned a lot of lessons along the way. I've grown. I've become a COMPLETELY different person than I was two years ago. Unrecognizable even. The biggest lesson I've learned and the most important is that you don't know what tomorrow holds. I want to say that again: You do NOT know what tomorrow holds. You can't count on your spouse for tomorrow. Whether it is by divorce or something unspeakable, you do not know what is going to happen.

That being said, I don't have an education. I lied, I should say I don't have a full education. I have about half of an education. I thought I wouldn't be able to finish. I thought I was just going to have to work my ass off an pay nothing jobs. Wrong. I do get to finish my education. And I am finishing my education. But, the thing is, it would have been easier to finish my education before I got married. As a normal college student would. But, of course I learn things the hard way.

Honestly, I would tell women to do it the easy way. Go to school, Get a degree, Get a job and then get married. Or at least have a degree before you get married. Because it is so much harder to do it this way. And you need to be able to support yourself. If tomorrow holds some unspeakable future, you want to have a job or be able to get a job that allows you to support yourself.

I look at the women who are homemakers and have no skills other than changing diapers and cooking dinner and no real marketable skills, and it makes me wonder what they would do if they were put in my situation. And they can tell me that they don't believe in divorce. I can understand that. Neither do I and I am still in this situation. As I said before, you never know. I fully trusted him and his beliefs. So, what security can you have in that?

I know, right now those exact susie homemakers are rolling their eyes at me, thinking I'm an idiot and all out genuinely hating me. Deep down, you know I'm right. You know there is a chance he could leave, something unspeakable could happen, he could lose his job or you could outright NEED to get a job. And then what?

I'm not against wanting to be a stay at home mom. There is NO shame in that. And that is not what I am saying. But, going through everything I've gone through has taught me how crucial it is to get an education.

I'll leave you with this. Even if you never use a college education at a job, isn't it worth it just to be educated?


  1. I don't agree with this and I definitely don't think you're right. You may be in a not so great place, but that doesn't mean you can put down other people because they don't have a formal education.

  2. I wasn't putting people down at all. At least, I wasn't intending to. I was emphasizing how important it is, to me, that people get an education. There is nothing wrong with being a housewife. My mom was a housewife who had no education. She tells me this exact thing all the time. She wouldn't be able to support herself if anything happened to my dad

  3. I understand where you're coming from. I think sometimes, truth hurts. WHAT HAPPENS to the girls that got married out of high school and had children (not that there's anything wrong with that) and then one of them ends up divorced? Or he gets killed in a freak motorcycle accident? Shit, I *have* a 4 year college degree and the market is a bitch and a half and I continually get bypassed for someone that has NOT ONLY the formal education, but a stellar GPA and 3+ years of industry experience to boot.

    I nod my head with this blog. But I'm completely biased: I *am* a college graduate from an accredited university, and one that is top 10 in the country for my program. I *did* say no, and I made it a point to wait on marriage and children. Because it IS 120% easier to finish school when you there wasn't a break and you didn't take a year or two off or have obligations to a husband and child, or even to a very mobile military type family.

  4. I completely agree with you and Taryn!! And the "I have children" excuse is bullshit. You can go to school with kids. People need to stop having so many excuses.

  5. I think there is something to be said about stay at home mothers. I think that children need a parent at home. I really do. However, I agree with what you are trying to say. It is always a good idea to empower yourself to be independent, in case some day it is required of you to survive on your own. Being a widow, I know that first hand. I regret not going to school. I regretted not going to school when I was a caregiver for my husband. I could have provided for us a lot better with an education. At the same time, I think there are many ways to empower yourself. Education isn't necessarily the only answer. It's finding a way to make money and survive on your own. It's so important. Life really is unpredictable, and I'm telling you, it feels so good when you realize you can take on this world on your own.