Engaged?

If there is anything I have learned today it is that anything posted on Facebook must be true. Isn't it?

Today I posted this picture of a hand with an engagement ring on it and I captioned it "<3". That was it, plain and simple. I obviously had one thing in mind, April Fool's, and I was going to do whatever it took to avoid giving myself away. So, the first few comments were along the lines of "omg! congrats!" But my best friend, Ashley (whom I love dearly for this) posted "^silly people." I, of course, texted her and asked her to delete it (more like told- oops). And she did, I really appreciated it.

But, Ashley had a point. It was silly (not to discredit those who posted because, really, I had a ring. It was a good kicker). But, a few things. My Facebook has said single for years, even though I had a rebuttal for that: "I have been keeping it a secret, because I wasn't sure where it would go."

And then there was the fact that there were no pictures of me and him. I blew off that question. I didn't have a good answer that would actually serve the purpose. Or, the fact that I have never once even posted about being on a date. I could get away with that though.

The biggest reason no one should have believed me, given that it's a transparent prank anyways, it's April Fools' Day. We seem to forget that it is April Fools' Day and I saw a lot of people fall for a lot of pranks, some well thought through and others were not. Four friends announced that they were pregnant (it seems like a lot of women are pregnant on April 1st.. hmmm Valentines babies?), someone was moving and marrying a girlfriend, another was moving to Costa Rica and another's husband was recalled in the Marine Corps.

So why is it that we are so quick to believe what friends post on Facebook? I'd venture to say, perhaps it's the lack of actual communication. Facebook can be defined as Mass Communication because our message reaches a large group of people (depending on how many friends you have). And there is nothing personal about it. Of course we have our close friends that we will communicate, but it's still not personal. This means that when I post an engagement ring, "Jon Smith" whom I haven't seen since high school, has no idea if I am kidding or not. I can't fault him for that, he's going off of what I post.

This isn't a good thing or a bad thing, it just is. It's what our generation is becoming. We've all been guilty of it at one point or another, and some worse than others. I don't think that we know any better. It's become so natural to "communicate" with people we haven't seen in years. 

The other thing is that jokes like this are so much easier to pull off, because they do reach that mass audience. Before the internet and Facebook, if we wanted to pull off the "I'm engaged" prank it took much more work than a picture. But, we live in an era where mass communication is achievable for anyone.

Oh and my prank? Turned out amazingly. A GREAT friend of mine ended up commenting like he was this fiancee. And then my relationship status went from "engaged" to "engaged to..." And all my friends who were in on it, played along.

Thank you to all my friends who played along. And to all the friends who fell for it <3 It turned into an incredible social experiment and an AMAZING experience. I definitely enjoyed it.

And for something really cool and exciting, type in http://yourlittlespark.blogspot.com/view/mosaic  Blogger has tons of amazing new layouts, and that one is my favorite.

I must be psychic

I was going through emails that I sent almost 3 years ago, trying to find my friend in Japan's email. And I found this in an email I sent July 27, 2008

"You are preparing to enter one of the most difficult periods of
your life.
Be strong!
When you persevere through this severe trial you will be
stronger, more confident, richer, refreshed and better.
Be Strong!
The desire to give up is sometimes overwhelming but don't quit.
Be Strong!"

It was from another email I had gotten, I just forwarded a section of it. I think it was predicted! Wow...

Things that blow my mind...

I'm at school so I'm going to come back to this later. But, a few things have blown my mind lately

-People who get upset when college is harder than high school... *umm yea that's the point of higher education...*

-People who stop their cars, at a red light, on a train track
*they aren't hard to miss, do you want to die?*

I've got another that I figured out today.
-Students (in general) who think that putting random answers down on homework and think its going to pass.
*ummmm no. Cheating doesn't work in school.*

Come in with the Rain

Wow! Long time no post. Its been a busy few weeks. School keeps me super busy most of the time.

School is going well, though. I'm actually enjoying most of it. So that's good. I'm not a big fan of my Spanish class, but only because it is so absolutely redundant that it gets old. My English class is a bit out there, but what can you learn if you don't challenge yourself? I know that I am strong enough in my beliefs that I don't mind them being challenged. My English professor actually mentioned to us, on one of the first days, that college is a place where you have to challenge what you believe in and push your knowledge. If you don't, there is nothing left for you to learn. If you don't challenge yourself and your knowledge, you walk into college thinking you know everything about everything, and you won't be open to new information. And I completely agree with him.

On April 7, I am going to a journalism conference. I've been writing for the school's paper this semester. And the advisor mentioned the conference and wasn't sure how many she should take. And she took the list of everyone who was interested. However, when she told us that, I started having second thoughts. I was in the middle of an article that, I felt, was an absolute disaster. And I felt like I wasn't good enough to go and didn't want the school to waste their money. But, on the very last day to confirm, I emailed her and told her that. She told me that she wanted me to go, that I had the talent and it needed to be refined. So, I sucked up the insecurities and confirmed that I would in fact be going. So, we'll see how that goes.

The rest of my life is a beautiful disaster. I am, without a doubt, not where I wanted to be at 25. I am nowhere near it. I'm happy, though. It seems like everything is coming together, according to His plan. I figured that would happen eventually, I've just been waiting for it. I am almost in a spot where I just have to keep doing my part and it all flows. No real decisions to be mad. It's nice to relax and enjoy the ride.

I was listening to a Taylor Swift song on my way home from dinner with some friends tonight. The song is called "Come in with the Rain." And its incredible. But, the chorus hit me. I realize the whole song isn't about this, but I found a different meaning for the chorus and a few other parts.

I could go back to every laugh
But I don't want to go there anymore and I
know all the steps up to your door
But I don't want to go there anymore
Talk to the wind, talk to the sky
Talk to the man with the reasons why
And let me know what you find

I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm too tired tonight
to call your name
Just know I'm right here hoping
You'll come in with the rain

I could stand up and sing you a song
But I don't want to have to go that far and I
I've got you down, I know you by heart
And you don't even know where I start
Talk to yourself, talk to the tears
Talk to the man who put you here
Don't wait for the sky to clear

CHORUS

I've watched you so long
screamed your name
I don't know what else
I can say

But I'll leave my window open
Cause I'm too tired tonight
for all these games
Just know I'm right here hoping
You'll come in with the rain

I could go back to every laugh
But I don't want to go there
anymore..

Okay, so not all of it holds this meaning. But here's the way I hear it.

I'll leave my window openCause I'm too tired tonightto call your nameJust know I'm right here hopingYou'll come in with the rain

Basically, that part, I see as like 'I am so worn out from trying to find the one, that I have just left the windows open in hopes that he is looking for me. Because I can't keep trying so hard.

I could stand up and sing you a songBut I don't want to have to go that far

This one, I see as like I could do all these things that are not me, to make you like me, but I don't want to do that. I want you to like me for me.

Talk to yourself, talk to the tearsTalk to the man who put you hereDon't wait for the sky to clear

Basically, in a sentence? Leave it all to God.

And that is what I am trying to do. Leave everything to God. I've tried driving the car that is my life, and I just cannot do it anymore. My plan doesn't work. It's time to be a passenger.

Sorry, its just one of those nights.

Turning Point

Twice this weekend I have heard the same thing. Something that I didn't know was true, and I'm still not sure it is. Twice people have told me this weekend that I look happy.

But am I? I most definitely have my moments. But, am I truly happy. Well outside reports say that I am. So, either I am actually happy and I have been fooling myself for a while. Or I am realllly good at acting like I am okay.

So which one is the truth? I really have no idea. Maybe it is some combination of the two options. Here is what I do know. I do know that I am accomplishing way more in my life lately than I have in a long time (plus!). I am absolutely uncomfortable with my own body (minus!) I don't have a social life (sorry Andrew! haha [plus for my bank account; minus for me]).

I also know that I feel human again. Its strange to say that, but I have spent soooo long hiding inside my walls. But, I'm slowly breaking through the wall and feeling comfortable talking to people around me; I typically am very shy.

I guess this is a big turning point and I can finally start to rebuild for good. Or maybe I just had a good weekend. Let's hope for the former.

Learning Out Loud

Spelling out loud, in a foreign language is hard, if you don't write the word down first. Yup, guess who learned that lesson. I have no idea what I was doing. I'm not sure that I want to minor in Spanish anymore, it just doesn't seem like a good idea. I'm thinking that a double major in marketing and communications. Who knows.
I've been tutoring students for the CA High School Exit Exam for about the past week and a half. I've learned that asking "is English your second language?" is a totally legit question. I've also relearned grammar skills that I have since forgotten. But, the biggest thing that strikes me is that teenagers don't necessarily know the difference between slang and academic language. It kind of breaks my heart.
I had a student today and we were working on a writing sample. They wrote "I do what I got to do." They confessed later that they nearly wrote "I do what I gotta do" but they knew "gotta" wasn't a word. Okay, I'll give them credit for that. When we told them that was slang, they were arguing with us asking how it is slang. You just have to trust us. Its not even grammatically correct slang.
So we're in the third week of the semester. It's been an adjustment. Last semester I had homework, but it wasn't like this. I'm just not used to going nonstop. I'm used to coming home straight from work. But, now its different. I have to go to school right after work and then depending on the night I get home at 6 or 7. Its not like its that much, its just new. This weekend, though, I spent the weekend nonstop reading. That's what I get for taking school seriously this time around.
Speaking of seriously, I feel like I have a lot more focus in life. And that a lot of things are coming together. But, there are still some that are not. And one of those is that weight loss thing. It's not working out very well. And, in fact, I'm just not comfortable with my body anymore. And I really need to do something about this...

Another January 13th...

I really thought that I wouldn’t hate January 13^th this year. Or at least I had hoped.

I was actually soaring right through without even thinking about it. And then I was writing my last post and the word “divorce” stopped me dead in my tracks. Shit!

Fuck this. I am so over the whole thing. I really am over it; to a degree.

I still have my things. I still cringe at the thought of getting serious with someone. Every time I think about how lucky I am that we never had kids, I cringe. What if I screw up again next time? What if next time I do have kids and he leaves me too? Then what? I’m so screwed.

I don’t want to dwell on this. Believe me. I barely even think about the divorce anymore. I keep it a secret, I don’t blurt it out. The afflictions that have been bestowed upon me are my little secrets. If you are lucky enough to get into my inner circle then maybe you know. I don’t get depressed, I don’t cry, I don’t even think about him, except this one day a year. And even then, I won’t dwell on this. I’ll write this and maybe I’ll bring it up to my mom tomorrow. But, then its over and I get on with my life.

I’ve turned into one tough chick. One girl who knows who she is and knows what she wants. And that is great. I just have to stay focused this time around. I can’t have another January 13^th.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Lets not go for “again”